with my hands covering both my eyes, i am to scared to have a look at you now

Random pics, new york, trondheim, tattoo.

 

Det finnes et bilde, kun et bilde..

Et kort sekund fanget for evigheten, og som jeg hadde fullstendig glemt det til jeg kom over det i dag.

En titallsmiliarddel av livet mitt hvor jeg sitter i armene dine, og vi begge smiler.

Vi ser lykkelige ut.

Jeg hater det bildet.

(kanskje jeg savner deg forsatt
but you never were, and you never wil be mine)

jeg har tårer i øynene, for første gang på fantastisk lenge.
og det er ikke de vanlige tårene; fylt med angst, frykt og panikk.
vist er de sorgmotige, men melankolske og vakre.

jeg gråter fordi jeg er ferdig med en fantastisk bok.
jeg gråter alltid ved slutten av fantastiske bøker.
461 sider, 11 kapittler og utallige ord; en verden langt fra min egen som jeg har tatt del av; en underlig, vanskelig og unikt fin kjærlighetshistorie som nå er slutt.
kanskje det minner meg for mye om mitt egent liv?

jeg har lukket hjertet mitt; inkapslet han inn som en fosil i en del av det; hvor han alltid kommer til å være det. det var når øynene mine tok inn empire state building jeg bestemte meg. "i love you, but your bringign me down". og etter fem dagers endeløs vandring i byen som alltid vil kjennes hjemme, men alikevell fremmed lot jeg minnene av han gå; jeg elsket en del av deg, og den savner jeg nesten vær dag. men den delen av deg jeg elsker eksister ikke lenger; kanskje den aldri gjorde det. kansje det var fantasien min som tok ord ut av munnen din og virret dem sammen uten kontext til den jeg elsket, kanskje det var et billig skuespill for å få meg på rygg, kanskje jeg tar feil; det var deg da; hjerteknust, sårbar, vaker og ærlig.
jeg avslo deg, bad deg på en typisk merverdig og symbolsk måte dra til helvete.
jeg tror ikke du forsto; jeg tror du ikke engang vil prøve

det er ikke lykkelig jeg skal bli, for jeg tror ikke jeg har muligheten for det. men jeg skal leve, for meg; egoistisk, oppslukt av hjernen, øl og musikk. nedgravd i vakkre bøker, spisene med pinner, ravene rundt i byen på natterstid, svingdansene med slibrige gutter, intense samtalerer og alt jeg det meningsløse jeg elsker.
mitt eneste håp for fremtiden er at den skal fylles med gode minner.

lykke til,

When you asked me how I was doing; was that some kind of joke..

 

Its BOB DYLANS birthday today. He turns 70; My heroes are getting old..

I had my first exam yesterday. I did not go as well as I hoped it would:( But my fun little figurs helpt my memory. No time to weep though; got my sosial psychology eksams in two days.. Funfunfun..

since ive been a good student latley, I treated myself to some sushi.

yeah, this, kaffe and the radio is pretty much my life..

 

as you probably know, the world was supposed to end this weekend. Well, not suprised but a little bit disapointed; Im still her.
I assume there is a reason som people become preachers instead of working with numbers. Suckers.

As the ateist I am; I did the only thing i know how to when the world was still her; I sinned.. And in the most fun way too.
I always feel so small next to him.
and I am honestly convinsted I dont love him anymore.
at least not in the "im in love with you"-kind of way, but of course he will always a special place in my heart, and probably a quite large chapter in my autobiography. 

When I woke up sunday I couldnt get rid of him, so I snuggled up under the covers next to him with my books and got some reading done; it was nice. But then; Im a hugger with waay to little human contact theese days...

I was out walking here the other day. when i was 100 meters away from home it the sky opened and I was soking wet in a matter of seconds. But F-That, I needed to walk after way to much time sitting. Five minutt later the rainbow showed up. This are two cups i found abandoned in a buss shed. I wonder who left them there. 

I made a new friend. This semi-tame duck that hangs out at 7/11 in the middle of Trondheim where she gets a lot of free food. I named her Anna (and =duck in norwegian). Shes awesome:D

Tell my mother that I love her dearly, and tell my father that I need him back again.

26 years ago, my mother was dressed in white Both her and my father said "I do", and I think that its amazing that they are still married. Even though, today they have an ocean and half a continent between them, they been at each others side for more the quarter of a centuary. I hope they will always be happy together. 

 

I guess its quite ironic that it is me, out of most of the people i know, that has the least believe the consept of everlasting love.
Do you know what i believe in?
Randomness, Coincidenses.
On both of the to days of the year I consider the most romantic ive met mr x. today, and it was how I prefer it to be; friendly. He made me laugh, and its always easyer with laughter. I just wish I could have seen him yesterday, he looks so good in a suit. but then again; who doesnt?
But the fact that I met him on both this days; I wish it was a sign. I wish I could believe it had some cosmic meaning. Its not, its just the fact that two people who lives within a relativly close proximity to each other are doomed to run into each other on certan days. At the buss that travels past both our homes, at the store that we both live closes to.. Beside, this town isnt that big.
I guess what Im saying is that you can find signs in everything if you just look hard enough.. You can find patterns of what ever you want if you just try. Seriousy, in math, even randomness is considerd a pattern..
Still, sometimes, and just sometimes, I wish i wasnt as factual, cold-blodet-sientistic and realistic as I am. I guess thats why thet say "ignoranse is bliss". But im geting to sentimental, as usual (and if you want, I can tell you the most likley way that evolution made me this nevrotic mess.. It does infact have a fundamental function for survival, but then again, that is the primary function of evolution.. )


Subject change::
look; pretty flowers(:  and picturse from Japan;

Btw; Im really in a "new york state of mind" now. Im actually considering just ordering tickets after my exames, packing my bags and get lost, all alone, in the big apple. I want to go back to that wonderfull resturant on A-ave, near 2st. I wanna walk trough central park, i want to go vintageshoping in the village, see the wonderfull little park we found somewhere between 2st. and washington square park. I want to cross the brooklyn bridge once again and I want to travel to Coney Island, cause ive never been there. 

Someone once said I don't have any feelings, well I think that emotions can be misleading, and thinking back, I think Ive might nailed the coffin shut with that

Today I read that beeing lonely is just as bad for you as smoking 15 cigarettes a day..

when Im lonely, I prefere dogs. Last week i got a lot of love from this wonderfull little creature.. His name is Harley, and I like to think that he is quite fond of me..

Oh, yeah.. Ive become a totall trondheimer. RBK is trondheims fotball team. I can see there stadium outside my window. They won the last couple of games, after a really shitty season. Fotball makes life more exiting.

Oh, yeah. Exams coming up soon so Im pretty much stuck studying. This is Biological Psychology, and i love it thoug it is really really hard.. This is the cAMP-PVA-MAPK-CREB cyclus that is essencial for learning and memory..

so, i though i deserved some fun after becoming a good student who spends waay to much memorising memory processes..
I really should not have a mastercard, but I only use it for online shoping, and then i pay my bills right away before i get any intrest.. so now; Im kind of broke...

Its been a few days of summer in Trondheim, and there is no place more beautiful to spend long sommer day..

well. Got to get back to reading.. I have some NMDA and AMPA glutamate receptores.. Fun,Fun,Fun..

please allow me to be your anti-D

At first; i was like this

then i got something in the post.

soon, ill be back with my book.. i dont want it to end..

We were the perfect disease

Kill me again; with love; its gonna be a glorious day..

10 years, 2 wars, 919,967 deaths, and $1,188,263,000,000 later, we managed to kill one person. Worth it?

 

 for studentersamfundet står der forsatt, fuglene kvitrer, vinden øndleger sommervarmen mens verden holder pusten.
Hvem er skyld i all verdens ondskap nå som Bin Laden er død?
Jeg voknet opp, drakk kaffen og leste nyheten. For første gang på lenge følte jeg at det var skrevet historie. På twitter skriver de om "justice". En man ble drept av et land som har som fundamental verdi at alle skal bli stilt for retten, og dømt av en jury bestående av likemenn. Ordrene for Bin Laden var vistnok mer langs linjen "gi oss hodet hans servert på et spyd".
Jeg sier ikke at han ikke fortjente det.
Jeg bare er redd for konsekvensene av denne justicen.
Skal vi bare ta en tann for en tann til vi er tannløse alle mann?

 

de døves kirke. Har en tendens til å gå klæbuveien dritings. Og dritings må jeg ha vært for det
var frøst på tirsdag jeg oppdaget at det lå en kirke der..

 

all photos by my, Title by radiohead, beginning quote from a tweet..

 

 "hvorfor ender ikke verden? jeg venter på at verden skal gå under men den gjør ikke det, og det er det som gjør meg så forbanna. Jeg våkner hver morgen og hvis jeg går ut i gatene er det som ingenting har hendt. ingenting."
(qoute; johan harstad - OSV)

jeg vet iallfall bare at jeg holder på å forsvinne inn i et vakum;
Disconnected.

aurora borealis.

Aurora borealis, also known as the nothern light.
Ive only seen it once, in februar this year. It was not as bright as this, as a matter of fact, it was quite weak. I was walking home from work, and i looked up in to the sky, there was a green light and i didnt understand where it came from. was it one of those gigant laser pointer they sometimes use at big events? But it didnt make sense, it wasnt coming up from anywhere, it was just there; floating across the sky.. and then i understod. I stopped, just stared at the sky for a lon
g time, even thou my feet was frozen solid. It was just so amazing. It was like the most beautiful secret; painted across the sky. Its the most wonderful ting ive ever seen, and i doupt there is anything more beautiful out there. 

pic: http://www.destination360.com/north-america/us/alaska/aurora-borealis

det er rart hvordan huset du vokste opp i pluselig virker fremmed, når du vokner opp og mobilen glir som sand gjennom hendene etter alt som har skjedd mens du sov. den unge optimisten i meg er kvalt, og jeg har alt tilgitt deg for det. det gjenstår bare å tilgi seg selv for denne tilgivelsen. jeg har en hemlighet, og på grunn av hva denne innebærer kommer jeg alltid til å være alene. det spiller ingen rolle hvor mye solen varmer, hvor vakker han er han som står ved siden av deg; alt sammenlignes, og ingenting er bra nok.
Jeg vet du ikke bryr deg uansett, og det har merkelig nok alltid vært noe av det jeg liker best.

If there is no such thing as time, you're already there, and you're controlling this cycle.
You say, "Man, look what we found here, Einstein," or whoever you're talking to, Tesla - whoever you're talking to. 
Problems of the future can be solved by mankind because you create them. 
And you have to believe in the future, it's what we have to do. We progress, we always progress - we try to.
So the Sumerian tablets, they say the same thing like Genesis said, that there were chariots of fire that came into the sky. And these beings got out of them, and they walked like a man but they had reptilian features. They had snake-like eyes, a tail, and, uh, scales, right? And they were - they were here, and they made slaves out of the people. And where they landed in is what the Bible calls the Garden of Eden. They were trying to inbreed with the people here. The women would die, the babies were deadborn. But after two thousand years they started taking, the babies started being born and living. And they had tails, they had a few reptilian features. They could phase shift from one dimension to another dimension, and the people who know say it's from the fourth dimension - the next dimension. Space is expanding; there are spirits coming from the center, right? 
We're going counterclockwise. There's supposed to be eight other universes going counterclockwise, and that's called Superuniverse, you know? 
And love's always been the message.
It's just - circumstances happen, right? People freak out, just flat flip out, you know? Well, that's where Hitler came from, Hitler came from that way. He was an outspoken, charismatic yeller. And, and all these people said, "Hey, we'll use this guy, hey, look at all these people listening to this guy." You know what I mean? And so that's just what the trip's like, that. You know? It still exists, and their bloodline goes back - back into Sumerian times.
You know, they didn't call it reptilian, they didn't call it that. But they did, because they called him Satan, they called him the Devil, and it's the same damn trip. It's a negative force, coming in on a positive force, because it's a third dimension, right? And for it to solidify or to crystallize, it has to have both elements, right? And you have to keep it in balance, or it will, it will, one of them will destroy the other . . . .

im still angry with no reason to be..

møllenberg, trondheim, the 26th of may

a wombat

another womat

two wombats

this is what i did when i was bored at work..

a small piece of my home town in tr.heim.

i love you so much, i dont have words,. 

h&h cheated and celebrated 21 one week to early.. im getting old.. 

its friday, easter, everyone has gone home. Im drinking some fine wine and lisening to the newest bright eyes album.. its pure magic; it somehow just keeps getting better and better with every lisning.